Thursday, March 4, 2010

A New Year

I know it is March, but to me it is the beginning of a new year. January was awful, just awful. I experienced a loss that I never expected. It was awful, but it was also beautiful. Seeing all of the love, prayers, and support given to Ashley, Cindy, Roger, and Taylor (and the rest of our family) was amazing. My faith in God was solidified. My faith is so much more a part of who I am because of my sweet niece. I feel like God had prepared me for this - I know this might sound strange, but in September I joined a bible study. This is something I never had done before and I just knew that I needed to. I needed to have a closer relationship with God. Now I know why. God needed me to have faith and lean on him during this time. Before I started my bible study my faith was there, but not strong enough. God needed me to understand why he did not answer our prayers in the way we were hoping, but he did answer them in the way he planned. He needed me to be strong for my family. God gave us the gift of 13 days with Miss A to say good-by. I can say that I will be forever grateful for those days. For all the hours that Cindy and Roger allowed me to spend with their precious girl. That was the greatest gift I could ever ask for and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I sang to her, talked to her, and prayer for her and held her hand. Her loss still hurts so much. The girls and I talk about her every day. Both Lilly and Anna talk about that Ashley is in Heaven with Jesus. They tell me that when they die that will be with her - I tell them that that will not be for a very long time. This morning Lilly said that she wanted to have an Angel tea party with Ashley. They have both started Ballet class and I so wish she was here to teach them. She was such an amazing little girl - her calming influence on Lilly was profound! The hole she leaves in our family will never go away. But my faith is there - through the tears.