Thursday, February 5, 2009

Love, Love, Love, Love, Crazy Love

The title just popped into my mind. I Love me girls and life is crazy! Lilly sometimes has tough days. Yesterday was one of those days at school. She gets overwhelmed and just can't control herself. When I picked her up at school yesterday at school she was crying. That kind of cry that mother know is not just something little - she was sad! She knew that she had not behaved and was mad at herself. It was the kind of cry that makes you cry (right there in the pre-school classroom with her). This has not happened in a while. There is a new girl in her class and Lilly got excited and that leads to her being overwhelmed and not being able to control her emotions and her actions. To top it off her backpack was not on the hook when we left the room and that lead to a meltdown. The backpack was located, but not until after we got home. I decided to take her to McDonald's for lunch - I do not reward "bad" behavior, but she knew what she did wrong - both the teacher and I talked to her. I needed to turn the day around and make the second half of the day positive. McDonald's was Great!!! There was 1 little girl in the play area when we got there and she came right up to Lilly. She even brought her toy and some of her food to our table to eat with us (she was there with her dad and he was busy with her baby brother). Once the girls had eaten they played very nicely and some other kids joined in and it was great. Lilly played nicely with all the the kids and the day was saved! When we got home our wonderful neighbor Marge and her son Grant came over and played for over an hour - another positive interaction. Lilly and Anna took baths and john came home and played with them until bed. As I reflected on this day I realize more and more how much Lilly needs me. I try not to beat myself up about the fact that I went back to work (even though it was only 2 or 3 days a week) when she was little. Maybe if she had the stability of just me caring for her when she was little maybe she would not have the issues she has -maybe she still would. I did what I thought was the right thing to do then. She was with people who loved her, but she was bounced around - a different person each day of the week I worked. Like I said I try not to beat myself up about it, but some days it is hard not to. It is days like yesterday that remind me why I am willing to give up the luxuries that were once taken for granted to be home with my girls. We don't go out to eat, buy new clothes, get my nails done, have our house cleaned by someone else (except when my mom is generous enough to pay for it), etc. and it is so worth it. We are working on Lilly's issues and I have no doubt in my mind that she is going to have a GREAT life. In some ways these tough days make me love her even more - I hug her harder and hold her longer - she is mine and I would not trade her for any other child in the world. I am just glad to be with her.

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